If you aren't flexible, at some point life will make you flexible.
I thought we were. I thought we were adventurous, semi-spontaneous and go with the flow kind of people.
How it began
We were working on an addition to our cute little house in Tennessee. It was a little sunroom off of the living room. It ended up being the place where I let Nick spread out his puzzle pieces and work on his puzzles without getting annoyed that it was in the way of everything. Clutter makes me anxious.
We were four months married and were chatting about the different international trips we each had done in the past. Then somehow, we decided it would be a great experience for both of us to travel internationally together. But not just for a little trip. In pure "us" fashion we had to go all out. Our other rule was, the purpose couldn't just be about us - we wanted it to be worthwhile and contribute to something.
We found a program that accepted young married couples that was strangely willing to make an exception for the 1 year married rule and let us on. This was just supposed to be a 6 month stint. Nick owned a professional tree removal service at the time and we were both still working through our undergrad degrees through online programs. So all we had to do was find someone to rent our house while we were away, sell some things, and find someone who wanted some extra income to take over the tree removal operations if they came up.
The organization sent us some options of places that wanted help. Neither of us had been to Western Europe before and there was a position for us to help out with students in London. We were pretty excited.
What happened
We arrived to our two week training in Paris...with too much luggage I will add. This was the experience that most significantly impacted my desire to make every effort to travel lightly from that fiasco onwards. Nick and I both had three pieces of luggage (a carry on, medium checked bag, and large checked bag) which we thought was quite reasonable since we were going to be there for more than 6 months.
There's nothing like moving to make you hate everything you "own" all of a sudden because of the sheer effort it takes to keep it with you. Complete opposite of feeling free. Once we arrived to Charles de Gaulle Airport we had to take the metro, trams and buses and also walk for blocks before arriving to our hotel. Lugging around that much baggage was a nightmare and I think I cried a little to myself while attempting to dodge light poles, pedestrians, dog sh*t and ditches the entire way while completely in a fog of jet lag.
After our training was complete, the plan was for us to travel with our supervisor by train from Paris to London. We passed through security and went on to customs. Our supervisor presented our documents and everything we thought we needed, but the customs officials were not happy. We were so confused. They pulled us aside and took us to a room for questioning. Then they detained us.
It turns out the laws had just changed two weeks prior to our arrival for nonprofit organizations accepting international volunteers. We were required to have a certain piece of paper that was easy for us to get in theory, from our organization, but it was a piece of paper that we did not have at that moment. Someone in the chain. of command with this organization didn't get the new memo. So the UK flagged us in their system and forbade us from entering their borders for 6 months! That was the entire term of our volunteer trip!
I'm thankful it happened in Paris and not after already arriving to London. There were some other student volunteers who flew to another part of England and went through customs upon arrival and were detained. Lesson here: know exactly what the current visa and travel requirements are in advance. Then double and triple check again before you get there.
Not being allowed to go do what we had set out to do was a pretty rough feeling. All was not lost however. We stuck around Paris helping the team that was there for a few more weeks until something else opened up for us.
Our supervisors put the word out to other teams asking if they wanted to take Nick and I in as volunteers for 6 months on the fly. We were offered a position in Naples, Italy and Lisbon, Portugal. The Naples job was ethnographical research and the job in Portugal was working with students in the international schools and helping teach American Football. This one sounded a lot more appealing and closer to the job we originally set out to do in London, so we took it.
We knew absolutely NOTHING about Portugal that it was comical. Nick was like, "Do you know what Portugal is like? Have you heard of it?" And I said, "No, is it anything like Spain or maybe Mexico?" We were ultra ignorant but curious. By March we were there in person.
We started out in Lisbon for the first month getting our bearings and learning more and more about the beautiful Portuguese culture. Portugal is a gem. Eye-catching and exquisite architecture and warm and friendly people fill its mediterranean terrain.
Having lived by both I can attest to the fact that Lisbon is the sister city of San Francisco, CA.
There are so many incredible similarities. Here are some of them in a nutshell:
The SF Golden Gate Bridge and the 25 de Abril Bridge in Lisbon look a lot alike. They are the same color and have very similar architecture (though the 25 de Abril favors more the SF Bay Bridge in some respects if you stare at them long enough.)
Both cities are hilly and use cable cars.
Both cities have similar climate/weatherer.
Both areas are known for experience tragic earthquakes and fires
Both cities have special wine regions.
Both cities have a unique creative district.
I grew up in the SF Bay area so this was like European home to me. But even with the similarities, it was still a completely different country with its own unique culture and history and way of life. There was so much for us to learn.
Most of our volunteer work was in English at the International school so they moved us closer to it to the beach town of Cascais. I wish we had more opportunity to learn the language beyond the basic getting around phrases. Even so, we met some really great people, made great friends, contributed to others, and gained a lot of valuable cultural experience in the 7 total months we were there.
How it changed us
It was an experience we will never forget with a heap of challenges. For newly married me, I was still learning more about Nick and about myself while being submerged in a foreign culture. We both came from VERY different upbringings so that in itself was a challenge to find the new "us".
I couldn't read the labels on the food at the grocery store. My language was super limited. This was before Google Translate was invented. People don't know how much easier things are now. If I could just take a picture of a label back then and know the ingredients and how to cook it instantly, life would have been A LOT different.
I had to learn to hang dry my laundry. I had to learn how to use the public transport system in a foreign language (again, before Google could tell me the exact route to take). I had to learn that standing in a line at checkout meant standing in a blob, not a single file line, and remembering who was before you and asserting your place in the line like your life depended on it while emanating the most cordial regard for those around you. I had to learn to never eat food with my fingers and always use a fork (even when eating fries - the Portuguese find it gross and improper to eat with your hands. They NEVER touch their food.) I had to learn to respect their cultural ways - to eat soup as an appetizer first (even at McDonald's).
I also discovered Nutella. It hadn't made its way over to the States yet and I was in love. It was bad. The amount of things I bought just to eat with my Nutella was robustly questionable.
So many new (to me) ways of doing things opened my eyes to what can be done in life. That how I learned to do something in my culture, doesn't make it the only way to do it, it just makes it another way to do it. And that doing it differently can be better. Even though I like how our American clothes dyers make our towels and blankets so fluffy feeling when they are dry. It is still better for your clothes and for the environment to hang dry your laundry the "old school" way.
(Do I still use my dryer at home now? Yes, yes I do. I think any mom in Portugal would if they had the chance. But I still hang dry...sometimes...)
Life beats flexibility into you. Even when you think you are flexible, you can always stretch more. Our 6 month reroute from London to Lisbon was most definitely unexpected. But what seems strange is that it feels like it was the original plan in the first place. I wouldn't be who I am today without that experience. The life lessons learned during that time are wedged in me.
Little did we know that this kind of flexibility was preparing us for yet another derailment of our plans 4 years later...then again 6 years after that. Those stories to follow...
